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Divorce Counseling Honolulu HI

Regardless of whether children grow up in one home or two, parents provide a model for conducting important relationships. Part of every important relationship is mutual respect, civilized interaction, problem solving and conflict resolution, compromise, appreciation and gratitude, patience and forgiveness. Read on for more.
Ms. Cheyenne Akana
Cheyenne Akana, LCSW
808-941-1800
1806 S. King Street, Suite 24
Honolulu, HI
Mr. Dan Baram
Malama Project Inc
808-228-8957
98-084 Kamehameha Hwy Suite 301B
Aiea, HI
Dr. Leon Pereira
Leon C Pereira PhD
808-255-3618
45-955 Kamehameha Hwy Suite 401
Kaneohe, HI
Kelly H Takasawa, PsyD
(808) 538 7793
1001 Bishop St Ste 925
Honolulu, HI
Kirsten Ralston
(808) 358-4486
Honolulu, HI
Ms. Clary Mitchell-Smith
808-951-8560
2015 Lime Street #204
Honolulu, HI
Mr. Terry Martin
Terry J Martin LCSW, DCSW
808-271-5112
98-211 Pali Momi St. Suite 707
Aiea, HI
Ms. Sharon Usagawa
Ho`omalie/Tranquility
808-386-8523
970 N. Kalaheo Ave. Suite C201
Kailua, HI
Clare M. Rountree, Ph.D., LLC
(808) 489-5919
Clare M. Rountree, Ph.D., LLC1221 Kapiolani Boulevard
Honolulu, HI
Darren Iwamoto
(808) 739-4604
Honolulu, HI
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11 Quick Questions about Divorce

11 Quick Questions About Divorce


1. How does the quality of one's relationship with their ex-spouse influence the psychological adjustment of their children?

Regardless of whether children grow up in one home or two, parents provide a model for conducting important relationships. Part of every important relationship is mutual respect, civilized interaction, problem solving and conflict resolution, compromise, appreciation and gratitude, patience and forgiveness. When parents model angry, selfish and bitter interaction with one another, their children learn that these disrespectful behaviors are the protocol for how people should be treated. It is no wonder that children from high conflict divorce have a higher incidence of failed relationships later in life. I believe this is why.

2. You write, "Smart parenting is all about trading the momentary relief of venting anger and frustration at your co-parent for the benefit of raising healthier, more productive, and less stressed children." How can a parent deal with their anger in a healthy way that does not cause more pain to their children?
Break a clay pot, scream into a pillow, make a voodoo doll out of modeling clay. Do what ever you want (as long as it is legal and outside of your children's presence) but do not expose your children to toxic emotion. Oh yes, and read my book.

3. How can a person de-escalate the conflict between themselves and their ex-spouse?

It takes two people to fight. The key to de-scalation is ignoring insult and offering reasonable compromises. This takes practice because often, in poor co-parenting relationships people cannot resist the urge to fight fire with fire. Actually to continue the imagery, it is best to fight fire with water. Parents often ask, "Why shoud I give the co-parent what he/she wants?" The answer to this is "because when you can, and when it doesn't much matter one way or the other (i.e. an extra few minutes here and there) the reduction in conflict benefits the kids."

4. What is the "package" that can make a difference in the quality of communication between the ex-spouses?

Resist the urge to "dig" or "poke" with sarcasm and direct insults. Understand that if you hate the co-parent, it is more difficult to love the part of your child that came from the co-parent. Take relief in the fact that any communication you have with the co-parent has a beginning and an end (at least for the moment) and when the contact is over you don't have to go back home and sleep with them.

5. Can you share with us some practical tips for negotiating with a former spouse who is a jerk?
Again, realize that giving in on minor issues is not a sign of personal weakness; on the contrary it is s sign of strength. Understand that what makes people as difficult as they are is that they "enjoy the fight." Fighting, bickering and nitpicking is feeding a part of them that they enjoy -- and that most likely y...

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