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Divorce Counseling Kailua Kona HI

Regardless of whether children grow up in one home or two, parents provide a model for conducting important relationships. Part of every important relationship is mutual respect, civilized interaction, problem solving and conflict resolution, compromise, appreciation and gratitude, patience and forgiveness. Read on for more.

Personal Parenting
(808) 327-2123
74-5620 Palani Rd # 101
Kailua Kona, HI
 
Shelley Shane, MA, MFT
(808) 895-0090
P O Box 494
Kailua Kona, HI
 
Eggleston Summer MFT CSAC
(808) 327-1711
77-6400 Nalani St Ste 200
Kailua Kona, HI
 
Kathy Sweetser, MFT
(808) 987-8285
P.O,.Box 1417
Kailua Kona, HI
Specialties
couples, women in transition
Gender
F
Education
CA Institute of Integral Studies MA
Insurance
I take most insurance
Membership Organizations
AAMFT

Brasington Glenn PhD
(808) 334-0420
75-5744 Alii Dr Suite 239
Kailua Kona, HI
 
YWCA Hawaii Island
(808) 334-1624
75-5759 Kuakini Hwy Ste 103b
Kailua Kona, HI
 
Kelly Donovan/Senft lmft ced
(808) 938-4162
75-5591 Palani rd. Suite 206
Kailua kona, HI
Membership Organizations
Sliding scale fees

Summer Eggleston, MFT, CSAC
(808) 327-1711
77-6400 Nalani St.
Kailua-Kona, HI
 
Hendrix Carol PhD
(808) 331-1150
75-5744 Alii Dr Suite 247
Kailua Kona, HI
 
Weiss Roger A
(808) 329-7999
Kona Inn Shopping Vlg Ste 239
Kailua Kona, HI
 

11 Quick Questions about Divorce

11 Quick Questions About Divorce


1. How does the quality of one's relationship with their ex-spouse influence the psychological adjustment of their children?

Regardless of whether children grow up in one home or two, parents provide a model for conducting important relationships. Part of every important relationship is mutual respect, civilized interaction, problem solving and conflict resolution, compromise, appreciation and gratitude, patience and forgiveness. When parents model angry, selfish and bitter interaction with one another, their children learn that these disrespectful behaviors are the protocol for how people should be treated. It is no wonder that children from high conflict divorce have a higher incidence of failed relationships later in life. I believe this is why.

2. You write, "Smart parenting is all about trading the momentary relief of venting anger and frustration at your co-parent for the benefit of raising healthier, more productive, and less stressed children." How can a parent deal with their anger in a healthy way that does not cause more pain to their children?
Break a clay pot, scream into a pillow, make a voodoo doll out of modeling clay. Do what ever you want (as long as it is legal and outside of your children's presence) but do not expose your children to toxic emotion. Oh yes, and read my book.

3. How can a person de-escalate the conflict between themselves and their ex-spouse?

It takes two people to fight. The key to de-scalation is ignoring insult and offering reasonable compromises. This takes practice because often, in poor co-parenting relationships people cannot resist the urge to fight fire with fire. Actually to continue the imagery, it is best to fight fire with water. Parents often ask, "Why shoud I give the co-parent what he/she wants?" The answer to this is "because when you can, and when it doesn't much matter one way or the other (i.e. an extra few minutes here and there) the reduction in conflict benefits the kids."

4. What is the "package" that can make a difference in the quality of communication between the ex-spouses?

Resist the urge to "dig" or "poke" with sarcasm and direct insults. Understand that if you hate the co-parent, it is more difficult to love the part of your child that came from the co-parent. Take relief in the fact that any communication you have with the co-parent has a beginning and an end (at least for the moment) and when the contact is over you don't have to go back home and sleep with them.

5. Can you share with us some practical tips for negotiating with a former spouse who is a jerk?
Again, realize that giving in on minor issues is not a sign of personal weakness; on the contrary it is s sign of strength. Understand that what makes people as difficult as they are is that they "enjoy the fight." Fighting, bickering and nitpicking is feeding a part of them that they enjoy -- and that most likely y...

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